Although trauma bonding is a difficult concept to understand and process, it is an important part of recovery from any sort of relationship that involves manipulation, control, or another type of unhealthy dynamic. We might think we have an exclusive connection with someone and that that person understands us better than anyone else. But manipulation can cloud our judgement, making us susceptible to manipulation in unhealthier ways than we would like to admit. Once you realize what has transpired in the dynamic of your relationship, you may begin to process how much it has affected you and whether or not you are willing to continue on this path with this person. This is when the process of trauma bonding begins. Trauma bonding happens after a person realizes they’ve been manipulated by their partner. It’s easier to understand if we take a step back and think about why manipulators choose their victims so carefully in the first place…
What is Trauma Bonding?
A trauma bond, or “Stockholm Syndrome”, is a psychological phenomenon in which a victim of abuse forms an emotional bond with their abuser. It is most commonly seen in cases of sexual abuse, domestic abuse, child abuse, and hostage situations. They can also occur in dysfunctional or codependent relationships. The trauma bond happens when a person is put in a situation where their survival is threatened, and their brain floods with stress hormones that make them focus on staying alive. This is a healthy response, but it also causes the person to seek out any source of comfort, even if the source of comfort is the source of their trauma, like an abusive partner.
What Causes Trauma Bonding?
A person will experience trauma bonding when they become excessively dependent on their partner while in a relationship where one partner is controlling and intimidating. In these types of relationships, the controlling partner often uses threats, isolation, and other manipulative techniques to control their partner. Because of the control exercised by the dominant partner, their partner may begin to feel dependent on them and worry about their own survival. This can lead their partner to stay in the relationship even though they want to leave. They may feel like they need their partner to survive. This means that their partner controls them not only through their words but also through the partner’s own need to stay alive. In an emotionally abusive relationship, the victim often does not recognize the controlling partner for who they are. Instead, the victim may blame themselves for their partner’s abusive behaviour. This can lead the victim to feel intense shame and guilt. They may even feel like they deserve the controlling partner’s abusive behaviour.
Signs of Trauma Bonding
– You feel intensely dependent on your partner. – You have difficulty leaving your partner even though you want to. – You feel like you need your partner to survive. – You feel shame and guilt about your relationship. – You feel like you deserve the abuse you receive from your partner. – You have trouble thinking clearly about your relationship. – You feel like your partner understands you better than anyone else. – You feel like your partner is the only person who cares about you. – You feel like you and your partner are meant to be together. – You feel like your partner is the only person who can help you. – You have difficulty trusting other people.
How to Break Free From a Trauma Bond
Let’s say that you’ve realized that you’ve been in a trauma bond with your partner. Now what? The first step in the process of breaking free from the trauma bond is acknowledging that the relationship is unhealthy. Now that you have recognized that you are in an unhealthy relationship, you can start to process what you want to do next. You can start by asking yourself why you have stayed in this relationship for as long as you have. There are a few reasons why people stay in unhealthy relationships. One of these reasons is that the victim feels like they don’t have anywhere else to go. They feel like their partner is the only person who cares about them and that they don’t have anywhere else to go if they leave. Another reason why people stay in these relationships is that they feel like their partner is the only person who understands them. They feel like this is the only relationship they have ever had that has felt truly exclusive and special. A third reason people stay in these relationships is that they feel like their partner is the only person who can help them. If a person feels like no one else can help them, they may stay in their unhealthy relationship.
Breaking Free
Breaking free from a trauma bond is a difficult journey, but it is an important step in regaining your sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It is important to remember that the trauma bond is not your fault. You are not to blame for being in this unhealthy relationship. It is important to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship. You deserve to have a partner who respects you and treats you like you deserve to be treated. You deserve to be able to trust your partner, and you deserve to be able to trust yourself.