Is my Parent a Narcissist?

Narcissism is an excessive sense of self-worth, combined with an inability to see beyond one’s own needs and desires. Narcissists are frequently selfish, self-absorbed, and incapable of seeing things from another person’s perspective. On top of all that, they have a strong need for admiration and attention. In other words, they’re pretty creepy. If you think your parent suffered from narcissism, here are some telltale signs so you can get the help you need from Margarita Politis @ ROAR:

Your parent should have been your safe space.

Remember when I wrote that your parent should have been your safe space? Well, if your parent was a narcissist, they were not your safe space. They were your unsafe space. They were the source of your insecurities, your low self-esteem, and your feelings of inadequacy. They were the person who made you feel like you had to be perfect in order to be loved. They were the person who made you feel like there was something wrong with you. They were the person who made you feel inferior. They were the person who made you feel like you had to earn their affection and attention. They were the person who made you feel like you had to earn their forgiveness for being yourself. Because of the extreme lack of remorse or guilt they have, narcissists are never sorry. They are never sorry for anything they do or say. They don’t even know what sorry means. So you could be the most perfect person in the world, but your parent would never feel sorry for the things they said to you.

Check for the 7 signs of narcissism.

There are many different signs of narcissism, but here are the most common:

– A constant need to be admired and praised.

Narcissists need constant reassurance that they’re special, and will often demand praise for every little thing they do. They might expect you to thank them for regularly paying the rent, or praise them for taking you out to eat at the local fast food place.

– Putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself. Narcissists don’t just want praise. They want you to feel worthless, so they can feel superior in comparison. They might tell you that you’re “lazy,” “stupid,” or “bad” for having normal human faults.

– Seeing you as an extension of themselves. Narcissists aren’t interested in you as a person. You’re just a tool they can use to make themselves feel better. They might constantly tell you how “lucky” you are to be in their family, or insist that you’d be nothing without them.

– No concern for your feelings or needs. Narcissists don’t care about anyone but themselves. If you ask them to do something, or need something, they might shrug it off, ignore it, or put you down for asking.

– Little to no empathy for your feelings or needs. Again, narcissists don’t care about anyone but themselves. If you’re upset or have a problem, they’re not likely to give a hoot.

– You frequently hear the words “You’re lucky to have me.” This is one of the most obvious signs of narcissism. If you tell your parent you’re sick, injured, or struggling in any way, they’re likely to tell you how lucky you are to have them in your life. They might be genuinely unsympathetic, or just be unable to understand your feelings because they’re wrapped up in their own world.

You often feel afraid of your parent.

This is a sign that things have gone way too far. If you’re constantly worried about your parent’s reaction, or feel the need to walk on eggshells around them, you might be dealing with a narcissist. If you’re always nervous about saying or doing the wrong thing, or concerned that you’ll set off an explosion of abuse, your parent may be a narcissist.

– You’ve tried to end the relationship, but can’t break free from your parent’s control. If you’ve tried to break off contact with your parent, but they won’t let you, they may have achieved a level of control over you. This can be done through manipulation, guilt, and emotional abuse. If you’ve tried to break off contact with your parent, but they threaten to hurt themselves, scream at you, or otherwise emotionally manipulate you into staying in the relationship, they might be a narcissist.

Your parent was emotionally unavailable for most of your life.

If your parent was a narcissist, chances are good that they were emotionally unavailable for most of your life. If they were never really there for you, or they were always too busy putting themselves first, then they were most likely emotionally unavailable to you. If they were constantly critical of you and never satisfied with anything you did, they were probably emotionally unavailable. If they put you down or made you feel inferior, they were probably emotionally unavailable. If they put you in a position where you were always trying to earn their affection and attention, they were likely emotionally unavailable. If they put you in a position where you were always trying to earn their forgiveness for being yourself, they were definitely emotionally unavailable.

Get help now

If you think your parent might be a narcissist, get help now. Don’t wait another day. If you’re living with a narcissist, they’re negatively affecting your entire life. They’re using you to make themselves feel better, and ruining your ability to have healthy, happy relationships. Get out now. However, if you think your parent may be a narcissist, it’s important to understand that you’re not responsible for fixing their problems. You may need to get outside help, from Margarita Politis at ROAR, so you can process the damage they’ve done to you. You don’t need to suffer in silence. There are plenty of narcissists out there, but there are also plenty of ways to break free from their control. Pick up the phone , and don’t be afraid to ask for help.