When someone mentions narcissists, you might think of overt narcissism and all of the traits associated with it. In reality, there are three types of narcissism.
Some people have overt narcissism traits.
The second group of people exhibits signs of covert narcissism.
The third group has a mental health issue called narcissistic personality disorder.
A covert narcissist is sometimes called a vulnerable narcissist or a hypersensitive narcissist.
Covert narcissists are no different from the overt type in that they seek admiration and lack empathy. However, there are some fundamental differences.
Covert narcissism is hard to notice compared to overtly narcissistic behaviour. In that sense, the covert narcissist is insidious and highly dangerous.
Here are ten signs that you might be dealing with a covert narcissist:
Showing Their Disinterest
All narcissists seem to see themselves as being superior to other people. A covert narcissist might display their sense of superiority by showing their disinterest in what you have to say in various non-verbal ways. For example, they may ignore most of your words or even yawn when you speak. If you get the impression that the person you are chatting with can scarcely conceal their boredom, they might be a covert narcissist.
Subtle Disapproval
An overt narcissist might criticise you openly to show their disapproval. A covert narcissist will probably be more subtle about showing you they disapprove. For example, a vulnerable narcissist might roll their eyes or emit a derisive sigh when they believe you have said something stupid. This kind of disapproval is tough to deal with compared to direct criticism. Telling someone you do not like the way they sigh over your opinions will only make you seem petty, as though you are the one trying to pick a fight. If someone frequently exhibits small indications of negative judgment and you consequently lack confidence when you are around them, they may be a covert narcissist.
Reactive To Criticism
Nobody particularly enjoys criticism. However, people with narcissistic tendencies abhor criticism. The covert narcissist is no exception, but they will try to hide the rage they feel. For instance, they may make a flippant comment and try to play down what you said. Yet after hearing your criticism, the hypersensitive narcissist will bear a grudge and may even perceive you as an enemy. If ever you criticise a covert narcissist, expect them to try to exact revenge on you later on.
Extreme Sensitivity
Do you know someone who is insecure and gets defensive over any perceived insult? Does your social circle include someone who reacts vindictively or passive-aggressively when they feel slighted by others? Is your friend likely to get very upset when being teased? Covert narcissists are usually thin-skinned. It is not hard to upset them unintentionally with your words or actions.
Withdrawn
A vulnerable narcissist is not likely to kick up a huge fuss when they feel slighted by you. Instead, they might withdraw from you altogether. For example, suppose you are in a romantic relationship with a covert narcissist. They want to end things over some perceived slight. The covert narcissist will not tell you that they want to break up with you. Instead, they might start ignoring your calls and texts or stonewall you when you try to have a conversation about the relationship. Hypersensitive narcissists are far more likely to pull back emotionally than have a dramatic argument with you about their feelings.
Ignoring Boundaries
All types of narcissists feel entitled and lack empathy for others. Their sense of entitlement causes them to step over your boundaries and exploit you. If you set healthy boundaries to protect yourself, the covert narcissist will do what they can to make you feel unreasonable and unfair for doing so. They are unlikely to try to see things from your point of view or try to compromise in any way.
Conceit
A vulnerable narcissist is every bit as arrogant as the overt variety. However, their arrogance is usually a bit harder to spot. The covert narcissist will never tell you they think they are better than you directly. However, they are not above a smug grin when they believe their point is more valid than yours. Hypersensitive narcissists often have an aloof attitude. Expect them to sigh loudly, groan dismissively, and be inattentive to your conversation. Covert narcissists often display their arrogance by showing you exactly how boring they believe you are.
Passive Aggressive
Vulnerable narcissists will not show you direct aggression. They are generally quiet and disinclined to lash out at others. For instance, suppose you ask a covert narcissist to do their part for a shared work project. The hypersensitive narcissist will immediately agree to do what you ask. However, they will purposely avoid doing what you have asked them to do. When you ask them why they have not done what they agreed to do, they will make an excuse.
Manipulative
An overt narcissist will often use techniques such as gaslighting and intimidation to manipulate those around them. A covert narcissist will probably use more sophisticated methods of manipulation. For example, hypersensitive narcissists might lie, blame, play dumb, or avoid having challenging conversations when they want to control the people around them.
They Are the Victim
Covert narcissists love to blame others and play the victim. They are never responsible for anything unpleasant that happens to them. Instead, the vulnerable narcissist will always claim that someone else has wronged them and that what has happened is in no way their fault. Be wary of any individual that always wants to deflect the blame when things go wrong. Make a mental note when it is clear someone wants you to feel sorry for them.
What Should you Do?
Suppose you suspect that someone you care about is a hypersensitive narcissist. What can you do to protect yourself? The first thing you should do is avoid taking their behavior personally. The covert narcissist behaves in the same way with everyone they encounter, not just you. You might also wish to avoid getting too close to the vulnerable narcissist. It is better for you if you can maintain a healthy distance.
If you must deal with a covert narcissist, remember to maintain and reassert your boundaries as often as necessary. If a vulnerable narcissist tries to shift the blame onto you for something they did, speak up for yourself. Never believe what the hypersensitive narcissist says about themselves. Avoid buying into their gossip about other people, too. Instead, try to find out the truth of things for yourself.
Talk to me
Have you suffered narcissistic abuse at the hands of a covert narcissist? If you have suffered this type of abuse, it can cause long-term post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. PTSD will not just go away on its own. It is a mental disorder that can be helped with, medical, psychiatric, and psychological treatment.
If you think you have PTSD from being abused by a vulnerable narcissist, contact Margarita and ask for help . If you work on yourself with assistance from a therapist, it is possible to regain your mental health and overcome the impact of narcissistic abuse.